jokes

[polaris660rmk]

ok lets hear your faviote joke need something to pass the time.

what do you call a dyke with fat fingers. well hung

hear about the new blonde paint? not to bright, kind of dull, easy to spead

[knightkrawler00]

Why do blondes wear hoop ear rings?

So they have a place to rest their toes!



Why do blondes like sun roofs?

More leg room!


A baby seal walks into a club.

Tells the bartender, HIT ME!

[Xrider]

duck walks in a bar orders a drink says, put it on my bill

[Ollie]

What do lawyers and sperm cells have in common?

They both stand a 1 in 1 billion chance of becoming human.

[Ollie]

Little Johny is sitting in class on thursday and the teacher says she has a surprise.
She anounces that friday she will be letting one lucky student go home at noon.
She says she will ask a question, it can be on any subject and be about anything so study hard. The first person to answer that question correctly gets to leave at noon.

That evening all the kids grab all their books so they can study hard for the question tomorrow.
Johny however doesn't even take a book home.

When Johny gets home he goes into the garage and takes 2 pin pong balls and paints them black, then goes inside to watch tv.
The next moring johny takes the ping pong balls and heads to school.

He gets to class real early and sits in the very front of the class.
When the teacher walks in johny throws both balls at her with everything he's got.

The teachers whirls around and screams "Who's got those balck balls!!"

Little johny jumps up and screams "Tiger Woods, see ya monday"

[RMKcowboy]

Here's the biggest joke I've ever come across.

[RMKcowboy]

Difference Between Grandfathers and Grandmothers

Have you ever wondered what the difference between Grandmothers and Grandfathers is? Well here it is:
A friend, who worked away from home all week, always made a special effort with his family on the weekends. Every Sunday morning he would take his 7-year old granddaughter out for a drive in the car for some bonding time -- just him and his granddaughter. One particular Sunday however, he had a bad cold and really didn't feel like being up at all. Luckily, his wife came to the rescue and said that she would take their granddaughter out.
When they returned, the little girl anxiously ran upstairs to see her Grandfather.
'Well, did you enjoy your ride with grandma?'
'Oh yes, Papa' the girl replied, 'and do you know what? We didn't see a single ass hole, dumb bastard, dip **** or horse's ass anywhere we went today!'
Almost brings a tear to your eye, doesn't it

[HOBB-Z]

> > Barack Obama was visiting a
> > primary school and he visited one of the classes. They were
> > in the middle of a
> > discussion related to words and their meanings. The teacher
> > asked the President
> > if he would like to lead the discussion on the word
> > "tragedy." So our
> > illustrious President asked the class for an example of a
> > "tragedy."
> >
> > One
> > little boy stood up and offered: "If my best friend,
> > who lives on a farm, is
> > playing in the field and a tractor runs over him and kills
> > him, that would be a
> > tragedy."
> >
> > "No," said Obama, "that would be an
> > accident."
> >
> > A little
> > girl raised her hand: "If a school bus carrying 50
> > children drove over a cliff,
> > killing everyone inside, that would be a tragedy."
> >
> > "I'm afraid not,"
> > explained Obama. "That's what we would call great
> > loss."
> >
> > The room went
> > silent. No other children volunteered. Obama searched the
> > room. "Isn't there
> > someone here who can give me an example of a
> > tragedy?"
> >
> > Finally at the
> > back of the room, Little Johnny raised his hand. In a quiet
> > voice he said: "If
> > the plane carrying you and Mrs. Obama was struck by a
> > 'friendly fire' missile
> > and blown to smithereens that would be a tragedy."
> >
> > "Fantastic!" exclaimed
> > Obama. "That's right. And can you tell me why that
> > would be
> > tragedy?"
> >
> > "Well," says the boy, "It has to be a
> > tragedy, because it
> > certainly wouldn't be a great loss...and it probably
> > wouldn't be an accident
> > either."
> >

[m_beeson]

So this guy walks into the doctor's office with this big white duck on his head.

The doctor looks up and says, "Yes, sir, can I help you?"

And the duck says,

"Yeah, can you get this guy off my butt?"

[m_beeson]

A duck walks into a store and asks, "Got any duck food?"

The clerk replies, "No, I'm sorry, but this is a book store."

The next day the duck walks into the same store and asks, "Got any duck food?"

"No, I told you yesterday - this is a book store."

The next day the duck walks into the same store and asks, "Got any duck food?"

"What's the matter with you? I told you No twice already - if you ask me one more time I'll nail your little flat feet to the floor!"

The third day the duck walks into the same store and asks,"Got any nails?"

"Nails? Of course not! This is a book store."

"Good. Got any duck food?"