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LOCKED and LOADED A little something for everyone!

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  #821  
Old 05-29-2017, 09:45 AM
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When a delegate from a emerging African nation was in Moscow, he watched a game of Russian roulette. Someone put the barrel of a pistol up to his head and pulled the trigger. One of the six chambers had a real live bullet.

A month later, the Russian delegate was visiting the African nation.

"We would like to show you our version of roulette," the ambassador said, "We call this African roulette."

"How do you play?"

The ambassador pointed to six buxom tribeswomen sitting in a circle. "Any of these six girls will give you a b*** job."

"Well, where is the roulette part? Where is the jeopardy? You must have some risk involved in this game, you know." the Russian said.

"Well," said the African ambassador, "one of the girls is a cannibal."
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  #822  
Old 05-29-2017, 09:46 AM
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A missionary who had spent years showing a tribe of natives how to farm and build things to be self-sufficient gets the word that he is to return home.

He realizes that the one thing he never taught the natives was how to speak English, so he takes the chief and starts walking in the forest. He points to a tree and says to the chief, "This is a tree."

The chief looks at the tree and grunts, "Tree."

The missionary is pleased with the response.

They walk a little farther and the padre points to a rock and says, "This is a rock."

Hearing this, the chief looks and grunts, "Rock."

The padre is really getting enthusiastic about the results when he hears a rustling in the bushes. As he peeks over the top, he sees a couple in the midst of sexual activity.

The padre is really flustered and quickly responds, "Riding a bike."

The chief looks at the couple briefly, pulls out his blow gun and kills them.

The padre goes ballistic and yells at the chief that he has spent years teaching the tribe how to be civilized and kind to each other, so how could he just kill these people in cold blood that way?

The chief replied, "My bike."
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  #823  
Old 05-29-2017, 09:47 AM
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A little Indian boy asked his father, the big chief and witch doctor of the tribe, "Papa, why is it that we always have long names, while the white men have shorter names ~ Bill, Tex or Sam, for example?"

His father replied, "Look, son, our names represent a symbol, a sign, or a poem for our culture not like the white men, who live all together and repeat their names from generation to generation.

Also, it is part of our makeup that in spite of everything, we survive.

"For example, your sister's name is Small Romantic Moon Over The Lake, because on the night she was born, there was a beautiful moon reflected in the lake.

"Then there's your brother, Big White Horse of the Prairies, because he was born on a day that the big white horse who gallops over the prairies of the world appeared near our camp and is a symbol of our capacity to live and the life force of our people.

"It's very simple and easy to understand.

"Do you have any other questions, Little Broken Condom Made in China?"
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  #824  
Old 05-30-2017, 10:53 AM
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LMAO Grizzzz
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  #825  
Old 05-31-2017, 02:32 PM
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What do you do when an epileptic has a seizure while in a bathtub?
Throw in your laundry!
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  #826  
Old 10-16-2017, 05:22 AM
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Whats worse than ants in your pants?
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Old 10-16-2017, 08:30 AM
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  #828  
Old 10-20-2017, 09:35 AM
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"It''s awful scary in these woods, mister!"
"You''re telling me, I have to walk out of them by myself!"

A little boy came home from school one day and told his mother, ''Mom, today I heard some older kids using some words I don't know the meaning of. Can you tell me what they mean?''

''Sure,'' his mother said. ''Just tell me what they are.''
The little boy replied, ''Pussy and bitch.''

His mother said, ''No problem. A pussy is a cat, like the neighbor's Tabby, and a bitch is a female dog, like our Sandy.''

The boy thanked his mother, and then went out to the garage, where his father was working.
''Dad,'' he began, ''today I heard some kids using some words that I don't know the meaning of. I asked Mom, but I don't think that she gave me the right answer. Can you help me?''

''Sure,'' his father replied. ''What are the words?''
''Pussy and bitch,'' the boy replied.

His father said, ''I thought I told you anytime you have a question like that, you were supposed to ask me, and not your mother, because she can't handle it.''
With that, he reached up on a shelf and pulled down an edition of Playboy magazine, and a magic marker. He then took the marker, and drew a circle around the woman's genital area.
''Son,'' he began, ''everything inside this circle is a pussy.''
''Okay,'' his son said, ''but what is a bitch?''

His father said, ''Everything outside this circle.''
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  #829  
Old 10-20-2017, 02:58 PM
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  #830  
Old 10-20-2017, 04:21 PM
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Doh

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